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50 Hilarious Tequila Jokes (2023 Updated)

Hilarious Tequila Jokes

Last Updated on February 14, 2024 by Lydia Martin

They say laughter is the best medicine. It truly is. With a couple of shots of the smoothest tequila, you’d be prepared to throw your best joke to anyone you see. Sometimes, a few shots of a hundred-proof tequila could sharpen your wit and sense of humor. Are you ready to laugh out loud?

Here are some tequila jokes that will tickle your funny bone. 

50 Tequila Jokes That Will Make You LOL

50 Tequila Jokes That Will Make You LOL

1. When life hands you lemons, find someone with tequila and salt!

When life hands you lemons

2. I will name my kids after what their mother was craving while pregnant…Peanuts and Pickles are great. Tequila is kind of an idiot.

3. A duck walks into a bar and asks for a shot of tequila. The bartender asks, “Should I put it on your tab?” The duck goes, “no, put it on my bill.”

4. I found out I’m allergic to tequila. Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs.

5. What does tequila prove? That happiness is the moment in between lemon and salt.

What does tequila prove

Boy: “I love you so much. I could never live without you.” 

Girl: “Is that you or the tequila talking?” 

Boy: “It’s me talking to the tequila.”

6. If you really want a promotion at work, all you have to do is walk into your office shouting, “Vodka! Tequila! Sambuca!” at the top of your lungs…This will make you the person who calls the shots.

7. A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of tequila, then looks into his pocket. He does this over and over again. Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of tequila and afterward looks into his pocket. 

The man responded, “I have a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts to look good, then I’ll go home.”

8. One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor!

9. A guy offers a girl a shot of tequila, but the girl says tequila is bad for her legs. The guy asks, “Do they swell?” The girl replies, “No, they spread!”

10. I always take life with a grain of salt…Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

I always take life with a grain of salt

11. What’s a Mexican’s favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird!

12. I have a couple of shots of tequila, maybe once every blue moon. Sorry, I wrote that wrong. I have a couple of Blue Moons for every shot of tequila.

13. Self-discipline is drinking ten tequila shots and making it back to the right home.

14. It’s National Tequila Day. I wasn’t going to celebrate, but then I thought I’d give it a shot.

15. Tequila doesn’t turn people into somebody they’re not. It just makes them forget to hide that part of themselves.

Tequila doesn’t turn people into somebody they’re not

 16. A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. “All right, son.” asked the father, “what does that show you?” “Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms.”

17. My son puked all over the bar on his 18th yesterday. But then again, 18 shots of tequila are pretty much for a 7-year-old.

18. How do you get a computer drunk? A Screenshot of Tequila.

19. Is it alright to drink a bottle of tequila? Only if you want it to-kill-ya.

20. Clint Eastwood, the Pope, and Yoda walk into the bar…

Clint Eastwood, the Pope, and Yoda

At this point, I realized I had done WAY too many tequila shots.

21. Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia.

22. How does Harry Potter order tequila shots? “Patron us!”

23. If you get ink stains on a fancy shirt, then Alcohol is your best friend! I’ve learned that alcohol is the best way of dealing with ink stains. When I accidentally left my pens in the pockets of my new shirt during the first wash, they came out with huge blotches of ink all over.

However, after half a bottle of tequila, I couldn’t see the stains anymore. After a whole bottle of tequila, I couldn’t see anything at all.

24. What happens when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila Mockingbird.

25. If a guy gets drunk on tequila and beats you up… then he’s guilty of agavated assault.

If a guy gets drunk on tequila

26. What starts with a T and ends with me on the floor? Tequila.

Also Read: Our Favorite Tequila Quotes

27. I’m quite worried about the coronavirus [1]…It’s got potential tequila lot of people.

28. I just started the tequila diet, and I’m making great progress! I’ve already lost two days!

29. I have a couple of tequila shots, maybe once every blue moon. Sorry, I wrote that wrong. I have a couple of Blue Moons for every shot of tequila.

30. This bloke just came into my workplace shouting, “vodka, tequila, sambuca!

This bloke just came into my workplace shouting

I said, “Oi! I call the shots around here!”

31. Did you know that Harper Lee invented a cocktail? It was the Tequila Mockingbird.

32. Me after my 6th tequila shot. My brain: What are you doing? My stomach: What are you doing? My liver: What are you doing? Me to my ex: What are you doing?

33. If you use tequila instead of ground beef, it’s called a Sloppy Jose.

34. You know what they say about drinking too much tequila…I can’t remember.

35. “Tequila or vodka?”, Me, giving relationship advice.

Read: Is Tequila Really Stronger Than Vodka?

“Tequila or vodka”

36. I asked my taxi driver if I could leave him some tequila and fried chicken. He said sure, so I threw up.

37. With the second lockdown looming, I saw a man purchase three crates of San Miguel, two bottles of tequila, six bags of paella, and a sombrero. I think Hispanic buying.

38. A man walks into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila. The bartender lines up the shots, and the man starts taking them one after another. The bartender says, “wow, you’re drinking those pretty fast.” The guy says, “you would too if you had what I have.” The bartender steps back cautiously “what do you have?” The guy says “fifty cents.”

39. What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila? Tyrannosaurus Mix!

40. What is it called if you drink tequila inside a cave? A shot in the dark.

What is it called if you drink tequila inside a cave

41. Why’d the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila!

42. What happens when you spill tequila at the pudding factory? The proof is in the pudding.

43. Me: “What’s up, bud?” Friend: I just had my first shot. Waiting for my second.” Me: “Pfizer or Moderna?” Friend: “Tequila!!”

44. What kind of tequila does someone with a foot fetish drink? Hornitos.

45. What do a law student and a recovering tequila drinker have in common?

What do a law student

They both have to pass the bar.

46. Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each. The bartender says: “What are you guys, nuts?”

47. I heard a rumor that tequila can be drunk neat. But I took it with a pinch of salt.

48. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “I’ll have five shots of tequila, please.”

49. I used to have a Mexican girlfriend. But I had tequila.

50. Usually, my rule for drinking is “one & done.” But with tequila…It’s “Juan & Don.”

Usually, my rule for drinking

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

What is the saying about tequila?

One popular saying about tequila is “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.” This saying humorously suggests that consuming multiple shots of tequila can lead to a loss of balance or coordination.

Why do tequila shots?

Tequila shots are a popular way to consume tequila, especially in social settings or during celebrations. Taking tequila shots is often done to enjoy the taste of tequila and experience its unique flavor profile. The ritual of taking a shot with friends can also create a sense of camaraderie and celebration.

What is tequila shots made of?

Tequila shots typically consist of tequila, which is a distilled alcoholic beverage made from the blue agave plant. The tequila used for shots can be served straight or with a slice of lime and a sprinkle of salt. Some people also prefer to chase the tequila shot with a sip of a citrus drink like a margarita mix or a non-alcoholic beverage.

What is the tequila toast saying?

One common tequila toast saying is “¡Salud!” which is Spanish for “Cheers!” This toast is often used when raising a glass of tequila to celebrate or toast to good health and happiness.

Why can’t you call it tequila?

Tequila is a protected designation of origin (PDO) spirit, meaning it can only be produced in specific regions of Mexico using certain agave plants. To be legally called tequila, the spirit must meet strict production standards and regulations set by the Mexican government. If a similar spirit is produced outside of these designated regions or does not meet the specific requirements, it cannot be labeled as tequila.

Is tequila the healthiest alcohol?

While it’s important to note that alcohol is not generally considered a healthy choice, some sources suggest that certain types of alcohol, including tequila, may have some potential health benefits when consumed in moderation. Tequila is often considered a healthier option compared to other alcoholic beverages due to its lower calorie content and potential antioxidant properties. However, it’s crucial to drink responsibly and in moderation, as excessive alcohol consumption can have negative health effects.

Is tequila bad for your liver?

Tequila, like other types of alcohol, can have negative effects on the liver when consumed in excessive amounts or over a prolonged period. Chronic and heavy alcohol consumption can lead to liver damage, including alcoholic hepatitis, fatty liver disease, and cirrhosis. It’s important to drink responsibly and in moderation to minimize the risk of liver damage.

Why is it called tequila?

Tequila is named after the town of Tequila in the state of Jalisco, Mexico, where it was first produced. The name “tequila” is derived from the Nahuatl language, spoken by the indigenous people of Mexico, and it means “the place where plants are harvested.” Tequila is made from the blue agave plant, which is native to the region.

What is the healthiest alcohol?

The concept of a “healthiest” alcohol is subjective, and it’s important to remember that all types of alcohol should be consumed in moderation. However, some alcoholic beverages are often considered relatively healthier options due to their potential health benefits or lower calorie content. These include red wine, whiskey, tequila, and hard kombucha. It’s important to note that moderation and individual health considerations are key when consuming any alcoholic beverage.

Why do you lick salt before tequila?

Licking salt before taking a tequila shot is a common ritual or tradition for some people. The purpose of licking salt before tequila varies among individuals. Some people believe that the salt helps to mask the strong taste of tequila, while others suggest that it enhances the overall experience by balancing the flavors. Additionally, the act of licking salt may cause salivation, which can help to cleanse the palate and potentially reduce the intensity of the tequila shot.

Sip, Laugh & Relax! 

A good laugh is what we need to end the day right. Sometimes, it is also what we need to start it out better. Having a glass of tequila in hand will make you enjoy good humor even more. 

A second shot may allow you to let that hearty laugh come out. But with your third and fourth, you might be the one cracking your jokes. So. have fun and enjoy your day. With your favorite joke and drink, you can tell that it will be a good day. 


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