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50 Hilarious Tequila Jokes (2022 Updated)

Last Updated on July 28, 2022 by Lydia Martin

They say laughter is the best medicine. It truly is. With a couple of shots of the smoothest tequila, you’d be prepared to throw your best joke to anyone you see. Sometimes, a few shots of a hundred-proof tequila could sharpen your wit and sense of humor. Are you ready to laugh out loud?

Here are some tequila jokes that will tickle your funny bone. 

50 Tequila Jokes That Will Make You LOL

50 Tequila Jokes That Will Make You LOL

1. When life hands you lemons, find someone with tequila and salt!

tequila and salt

2. I will name my kids after what their mother was craving while pregnant…Peanuts and Pickles are great. Tequila is kind of an idiot.

Tequila is kind of an idiot

3. A duck walks into a bar and asks for a shot of tequila. The bartender asks, “Should I put it on your tab?” The duck goes, “no, put it on my bill.”

A duck walks into a bar

4. I found out I’m allergic to tequila. Every time I drink it, I break out in handcuffs.

5. What does tequila prove? That happiness is the moment in between lemon and salt.

What does tequila prove? That happiness is the moment in between lemon and salt.

Boy: “I love you so much. I could never live without you.” 

Girl: “Is that you or the tequila talking?” 

Boy: “It’s me talking to the tequila.”

6. If you really want a promotion at work, all you have to do is walk into your office shouting, “Vodka! Tequila! Sambuca!” at the top of your lungs…This will make you the person who calls the shots.

7. A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of tequila, then looks into his pocket. He does this over and over again. Finally, the bartender asks why he orders a shot of tequila and afterward looks into his pocket. 

The man responded, “I have a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts to look good, then I’ll go home.”

8. One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor!

9. A guy offers a girl a shot of tequila, but the girl says tequila is bad for her legs. The guy asks, “Do they swell?” The girl replies, “No, they spread!”

10. I always take life with a grain of salt…Plus, a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.

I always take life with a grain of salt…

11. What’s a Mexican’s favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird!

12. I have a couple of shots of tequila, maybe once every blue moon. Sorry, I wrote that wrong. I have a couple of Blue Moons for every shot of tequila.

13. Self-discipline is drinking ten tequila shots and making it back to the right home.

14. It’s National Tequila Day. I wasn’t going to celebrate, but then I thought I’d give it a shot.

15. Tequila doesn’t turn people into somebody they’re not. It just makes them forget to hide that part of themselves.

Tequila doesn't turn people into somebody they're not. It just makes them forget to hide that part of themselves.

 16. A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in whiskey curled up and died. “All right, son.” asked the father, “what does that show you?” “Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms.”

17. My son puked all over the bar on his 18th yesterday. But then again, 18 shots of tequila are pretty much for a 7-year-old.

18. How do you get a computer drunk? A Screenshot of Tequila.

19. Is it alright to drink a bottle of tequila? Only if you want it to-kill-ya.

20. Clint Eastwood, the Pope, and Yoda walk into the bar…

Clint Eastwood, the Pope, and Yoda walk into the bar…

At this point, I realized I had done WAY too many tequila shots.

21. Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia.

22. How does Harry Potter order tequila shots? “Patron us!”

23. If you get ink stains on a fancy shirt, then Alcohol is your best friend! I’ve learned that alcohol is the best way of dealing with ink stains. When I accidentally left my pens in the pockets of my new shirt during the first wash, they came out with huge blotches of ink all over.

However, after half a bottle of tequila, I couldn’t see the stains anymore. After a whole bottle of tequila, I couldn’t see anything at all.

24. What happens when you mix alcohol and literature? Tequila Mockingbird.

25. If a guy gets drunk on tequila and beats you up… then he’s guilty of agavated assault.

If a guy gets drunk on tequila and beats you up... then he's guilty of agavated assault.

26. What starts with a T and ends with me on the floor? Tequila.

Also Read: Our Favorite Tequila Quotes

27. I’m quite worried about the coronavirus [1]…It’s got potential tequila lot of people.

28. I just started the tequila diet, and I’m making great progress! I’ve already lost two days!

29. I have a couple of tequila shots, maybe once every blue moon. Sorry, I wrote that wrong. I have a couple of Blue Moons for every shot of tequila.

30. This bloke just came into my workplace shouting, “vodka, tequila, sambuca!”

This bloke just came into my workplace shouting, "vodka, tequila, sambuca!"

I said, “Oi! I call the shots around here!”

31. Did you know that Harper Lee invented a cocktail? It was the Tequila Mockingbird.

32. Me after my 6th tequila shot. My brain: What are you doing? My stomach: What are you doing? My liver: What are you doing? Me to my ex: What are you doing?

33. If you use tequila instead of ground beef, it’s called a Sloppy Jose.

34. You know what they say about drinking too much tequila…I can’t remember.

35. “Tequila or vodka?”, Me, giving relationship advice.

Read: Is Tequila Really Stronger Than Vodka?

"tequila or vodka?", Me, giving relationship advice.

36. I asked my taxi driver if I could leave him some tequila and fried chicken. He said sure, so I threw up.

37. With the second lockdown looming, I saw a man purchase three crates of San Miguel, two bottles of tequila, six bags of paella, and a sombrero. I think Hispanic buying.

38. A man walks into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila. The bartender lines up the shots, and the man starts taking them one after another. The bartender says, “wow, you’re drinking those pretty fast.” The guy says, “you would too if you had what I have.” The bartender steps back cautiously “what do you have?” The guy says “fifty cents.”

39. What do you call a dinosaur drinking Tequila? Tyrannosaurus Mix!

40. What is it called if you drink tequila inside a cave? A shot in the dark.

What is it called if you drink tequila inside a cave?

41. Why’d the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila!

42. What happens when you spill tequila at the pudding factory? The proof is in the pudding.

43. Me: “What’s up, bud?” Friend: I just had my first shot. Waiting for my second.” Me: “Pfizer or Moderna?” Friend: “Tequila!!”

44. What kind of tequila does someone with a foot fetish drink? Hornitos.

45. What do a law student and a recovering tequila drinker have in common?

What do a law student and a recovering tequila drinker have in common?

They both have to pass the bar.

46. Two almonds walk into a bar. They order 20 tequila shots each. The bartender says: “What are you guys, nuts?”

47. I heard a rumor that tequila can be drunk neat. But I took it with a pinch of salt.

48. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “I’ll have five shots of tequila, please.”

49. I used to have a Mexican girlfriend. But I had tequila.

50. Usually, my rule for drinking is “one & done.” But with tequila…It’s “Juan & Don.”

Usually, my rule for drinking is "one & done." But with tequila…

Sip, Laugh & Relax! 

A good laugh is what we need to end the day right. Sometimes, it is also what we need to start it out better. Having a glass of tequila in hand will make you enjoy good humor even more. 

A second shot may allow you to let that hearty laugh come out. But with your third and fourth, you might be the one cracking your jokes. So. have fun and enjoy your day. With your favorite joke and drink, you can tell that it will be a good day. 

Reference:

  1. https://www.who.int/health-topics/coronavirus

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